Tuesday, 10/5/10:

WEIGHT before eating today:  158.5

Daily Calorie Goal:  1200 or less

Total calories eaten today:  1170  (WAAAAAAAAAY better.)

So, I had a much better day today, obviously.  Tried to eat as little as possible, all day.  Tried to ignore my twisting, cringing stomach, which was so stretched-out after the previous four days of binging that I could have eaten a whole box of frozen waffles and had room for a loaf of banana bread.


I'm proud of myself today.  It was very unpleasant.  I hate those first couple days of seriously-restricted calories after an epic fall off the dieting wagon.  The burning sensation of a completely empty stomach.  It just makes me aware of the sad fact that I don't think I EVER have a completely empty stomach.  How bizarre.  I always have food within reach.  I NEVER get into my car without SOMETHING - a bottle of something to drink, an apple, a baggie of pretzel sticks, whatever.  That is, before now.  I'm trying to avoid that now.  The theory is, if I don't have it in front of me every second, I won't snack on it just because it's there - and that way I'm not eating when I'm not truly hungry.


It's one of my biggest problems, to be sure.  I'm what I call an "unconscious eater."  I can eat an entire bag or paper plate full of whatever without really realizing I'm doing it.  Yeah, I'm aware that the bites are going in and being chewed, but I'm always pretty shocked when the whole bag or plate is empty, and I usually say something lame like, "Who came and ate the rest of my Doritos?!"  Yeah.  I'm THAT person.


There is also the "oblivious eater."  This is an extreme version of the "unconscious eater."  An oblivious eater, by my definition, is someone who eats when they honestly don't realize they're doing it.  Does this sound like something out of the Twilight Zone?  It is!  I know more than one person who eats in their sleep.  They walk to the kitchen, raid the fridge, wake up the next morning two pounds heavier, and can't figure out why.  And, they can't find their box of frozen waffles, on top of it!

I have to get serious about figuring out how to meet my exercise goals each week now.  That's the only way I'm ever going to vanquish The Beast, and I know it.  When I was 29, and in the midst of losing the same number of pounds from my first pregnancy, I shed all 37 pounds without a single step of exercise.  That's apparently the difference between the ages of 29 and 42.  A combination of a more decrepit metabolism and less stretchy skin (which refuses to tighten up on it's own after being brutally expanded by my 8-pound 14 1/2 ounce baby) means that I have no choice - I have to haul my sweat-phobic butt off this bar stool and climb onto a treadmill.  I'm very grateful to my dear husband, for each of the days that he arrived home with the two large pieces of equipment gathering dust downstairs now.  "Look, an elliptical machine!  It's so sleek and shiny!"  The same was said of the lovely, gorgeous treadmill.  I hate them both.  More than having wisdom teeth pulled; more than Cutty Sark straight from the bottle.  Yeah, THAT much.  

And they hate me, too.  I have a tough time with the pain, to be honest.  Every minute spent on one of these foul machines is painful for me.  My knees have been shot since age 14, thanks to one season running Cross-Country track.  My ankles crack and my lower back throbs with every stepping motion.  My neck gets stiff within the first 5 minutes.  I get shin splints, no matter how much I stretch beforehand.  I'm an old WRECK, is what I am!  Waa, waa, @#$*^-ity WAA.

But none of that matters; I have to climb on, and I have to do it NOW.  

Same goes for the 100 daily crunches.  WHY did I decide that I should do 100 crunches every day, you ask???  

Mel B.

She got knocked up by Eddie Murphy, and their daughter is now 3 1/2.  She also has an 11-year-old daughter, so her kids are spaced apart by several years, like my daughters are.  The only difference between me and Scary Spice is our abs.  Well, in addition to one or two other things.  But my point is, she did 200 crunches a day after having her second baby, and ended up with abs like this:

She's only 6 1/2 years younger than me!  DAMN.

I can't help it if I want Scary Spice's abs.  Who wouldn't?  She had two kids, and yeah, she's a celebrity, but who cares?  She looks a lot better than I do, I'll tell you THAT @#$*^ much.

Another celebrity that I am impressed with is Milla Jovovich.  Has anyone out there read about her pregnancy experience?  I have.  She gained more than 70 pounds while pregnant (I gained 52).  On her website she wrote:

"I am so huge you guys! I’ve gained almost 70 pounds in the last 4 months! It’s unbelievable how quickly it all happened, all I did was eat three bagels every morning with butter, peanut butter and jelly all over them, a few boxes of crispy cream donuts for lunch and boom! I’m tipping the scale at 195! Man, that came out of nowhere! Lol! Well maybe not completely out of nowhere!" 

Pictures of her looked HUGE!  (At least, huge for a celebutant).

Milla Jovovich at about 8 months pregnant.

Then, over the course of about a year, she lost the entire 70 pounds.  Of course, she had trainers.  Of course, she had help.  But I don't care!!!  If she can do it, I can do it.  So BLAH.

Milla now, on the September 2010 cover of Russian Maxim magazine.  She's only 7 years younger than I am.

Now that I've had one good day after 14 days of yo-yoing wildly, I have to be extra careful tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be even tougher than today was.  The second day of reduced calories after four days of binging is harder, because you've survived one day with less than 1200 calories - you're still alive - but tomorrow, your stomach will be protesting extra viciously.  It will be out for blood.  I'm ready for it.  I plan to eat as little as possible, all day, until I go to a movie with a friend at 6:45.  Then I'm planning on getting a kiddie pack of popcorn and a small pop, and skipping the Good & Plenty.  


That's the plan.


Anyone want to place bets on whether I crash and burn???

The odds are probably not in my favor.  But that's OK.  When it comes to weight-loss, they never are.