43 is the New 23. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Ahhh, another birthday under the belt.  Yes, I mean that literally.  My birthday-dinner bash at my sister's house was on Saturday, and it was scrumpdillyicious.  Here's what I got to eat:  A massive, build-my-own taco the size of my head (stuffed with seasoned chicken, black beans, sour cream, tomatoes, onions, shredded cheese, sour cream, and salsa...), a pile of Cool Ranch Doritos slathered in my sister's DECADENT homemade cucumber dip, a bunch of carrots and peppers with MORE dip, and for dessert - both mini creme puffs (I snorted a few and inhaled more powdered sugar than I needed to, LOL) and mini eclairs, which were my special request.  I LOVE those evil little things.  <sigh> 

Wicked deliciousness

I also got my Coke Classic.  All-in-all, a perfect "treat day."  I felt like the Goodyear Blimp afterward, naturally.  Ahhh, c'est la vie!  I got some fun prezzies, including three gift cards for Barnes & Noble (so I can overload my Nook, LOL) and a sweater and "Merlotte's" t-shirt and coffee mug from my sister's family, so now I can feel just like Sookie from True Blood.

Sookie, from True Blood on HBO.

Me, pretending to be Sookie.    LOL

Now the fun really begins.  Back to the cellulite grind.  Play-time's over. 


Thanksgiving is the goal now.  I have 24 pounds to lose by then.  I know I can do this.  !!!  Here's the quickie-list of how I will reach my goal:

1.  I will count calories.  1100 on non-cardio days, 1300 on cardio days.

2.  I will exercise.  3-4 cardio workouts weekly, and squshy-ab-ball work on off-cardio days.

3.  I will not eat fast food.  Enough said.

4.  I will limit pop to no more than one can of real pop per day - NO diet or artificially-sweetened beverages.

5.  I will drink 64+ ounces of ice water per day.

6.  I will take my vitamins:  A multi-vitamin, fish oil capsules, vitamins b-12, C, and zinc.

7.  I will get enough sleep - at least 7 hours per night.

8.  I will limit my sangria to one glass every few days.  <sniff sniff>

9.  I will avoid white-flour carbs as often as possible:  bagels, bread, crackers, cookies, chips, pretzels, pasta, etc. etc. etc.  In other words, ALL OF MY FAVORITE FOODS.

10.  I will post on my blog every week until I hit my goal on Thanksgiving!!!

That's it!  The whole enchilada.  (Mmmmmm, enchiladas.......)
I am following general food guidelines for each meal:  Eat only when I'm hungry, enjoy every bite (eat consciously...), stop when I feel full.  

ONWARD!!!

CARBALISCIOUS!!!

Time Flies When You're Busy EATING.

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I'm back!
With new motivation, new goals, and a new font color.    LOL

It's been a glorious 141 days of food and excess, but now the festivities must come to an end.  I'm turning 43 in a few days, and I have 26 pounds to lose by then.  

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Obviously, this will not happen, even on the strictest, weirdest, most frightening fad diet.  So we're not going to GO THERE.

Summer is over.  I started my diet-and-exercise odyssey last September 20th, hoping to shed 40 pounds and to weigh 125 by this past June.  I lost a total of 21 pounds, which I think is not horrible, and then I gained and re-lost and re-gained and RE-re-lost the same 5 pounds over the course of the past 141 days.  It's been a wild and raucous yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo summer.  I'm exhausted and nauseous just thinking about it!

Today, I'm at that point where we "serial dieters" find ourselves when we say, "I can't do this anymore."  That's where I am.  I have been avoiding mirrors all summer, and apologizing to my husband every time I'm naked.  This in itself is ridiculously depressing.  I'd really like to NOT have to do that anymore.  It's been four full years since I've weighed 125, which is my goal weight.  That's the weight I'm happy at, and also the weight at which my old clothes fit me.  I'm going to go for it - again.

This time around, I am sticking to a much simpler, much less restrictive, much more realistic plan.  Here's the gist of it:

1.  I'm going to follow the Four Basic Rules of Dieting, which are:

1. When You Are Hungry, Eat
2. Eat What You Want, Not What You Think You Should
3. Eat Consciously And Enjoy Every Mouthful
4. When You Think You Are Full, Stop Eating

 2.  I'm going to keep my metabolism up by spacing three meals and two snacks out over the course of the day.  I am hoping that this will help me follow the Dieting Rules above.  I haven't been eating enough in the morning, and I've been pigging out in the evening.  This is something that I've done for years and years.  I'm going to spend more time pre-planning my meals, because I know this will help eliminate a lot of my random snarfing.  Right now, I eat things I shouldn't out of pure boredom.  I know I do this, and I haven't been able to figure out a way to STOP doing it.  I think that thinking about the day's eating ahead of time, rather than trying to figure out what to eat when it's time to sit down and eat it, will really help me.  I need to somehow figure out how to stop my random snacking.  It's OUT OF CONTROL.  I'm still counting my calories, and I'm trying to stick to between 1100 and 1300 per day.  That range seems to be a good weight-loss range for me.  When I eat more than 1300 calories per day, I don't lose - I either maintain or I gain.  For example, today I am going to try to stick to the following menu and schedule:

8:30 a.m. - cup of tea with cream & sugar (60 calories)

10:00 a.m. - Indian seasoned potatoes and chickpeas (260 calories)

12:30 p.m. - apple (90 calories)

2:30 p.m. - Healthy Choice frozen veggie & brown rice meal (220 calories)

5:00 p.m. - teriyaki beef steak (120 calories)

7:00 p.m. - Kashi frozen Mayan Harvest Bake meal (340 calories)

Total calories for the day:  1090

***  IF I stick to my calorie limit each day (1300 on cardio days and 1100 on non-cardio days...), I am going to allow myself a "treat" in the evening:  5 ounces of my favorite sangria (160 calories)!!!!!!!  If I don't stay on or below my calorie mark, then I don't get my treat!  This is actually EXTREMELY MOTIVATING.  Why didn't I think of this before?!    LMAO.

This is delicious, and super-filling!

My favorite frozen veggie dish.

These are a little tough to chew, but they satisfy a protein craving.

I didn't love this entree at first - but it grew on me, and now I'm addicted!

FYI - I do realize that the average intelligent person is going to look at the above menu and say, "She's an IDIOT!  Why is she eating so many things that are packaged/processed/frozen?!"  This is a logical observation.  I would answer a skeptic by deferring to my new-found, personal weight-loss philosophy:  SOMETIMES, we must do what works for us - and that may not be the exact same thing that works for somebody else.


Obviously, eating nothing but fresh, organic fruits and vegetables, self-harvested lean meats, and straight-from-the-cow low-fat dairy products would be the way to go.  However, I have found that in my current situation, that is, my life-as-I-know-it-right-now, the ideal is so often unattainable that it begins to cause depression when I can't get myself to a farmer's market or the Whole Foods Co-op often enough.  I'm so tired of feeling guilty and depressed about food.  I just want to feel better, and look better, and I truly believe that frozen entrees and vegetables squirted out of a foil pouch can help me attain my goals without compromising my health, just as surely as the fresh-out-of-the-earth versions would.  If my life ever settles down/quiets down/slows down...THEN I will make it more of a priority to swap the frozen and pre-prepared stuff for the fresh stuff.  Right now, I must do what is possible and realistic for me, and stop beating myself up about it.  !!!

3.  I'm going to eat three meals and two snacks per day, and space them out so that I never get too hungry or feel like I'm starving or depriving myself absurdly.  I like the 5-Factor Diet suggestions, by the celebrity-trainer guy Harley Pasternak.  On his plan, you eat five meals each day that must be made up of five components: a lean protein, a complex carbohydrate, fiber, a "good" fat, and a sugar-free drink. The food choices are based on the Glycemic Index (low-glycemic = good, duh! LOL) to help control cravings and overeating.  This seems to be a good plan to follow in general, so I'm going to try.

4.  I'm going to exercise a little every day.  My goal is to fit in four machine workouts - either treadmill or elliptical - each week.  The other three days, I'm going to do a little abdominal ball/agility ball sculpting, or floor crunches, or both.  When I tell myself that I deserve "days off" from exercising during the week, I always end up with more "off" days than exercise days.  It's really not that hard to find a little piece of time to do SOMETHING every day.  Hell, I could run up and down the steps in our entryway 10 times and burn off a load of calories!  I avoid exercise, because I've never enjoyed it.  I still don't.  But at my age, it's become painfully obvious that I'll never lose this weight without the workouts.  I must find a way to fit them in, period.

5.  I'm going to be better about blogging, because it helps me.  A LOT.  Even if nobody else ever reads these words, it helps me in some weird way to get my thoughts about food out of my head and onto the screen.  If it were 1987, I'd be scribbling furiously in a food journal, and it would have the same effect - it motivates me to try harder, and it helps me get from one day to the next.  My blog is my "support system," though an impersonal one, and I can't help but think that someday, long after my ashes are fertilizing the wildflowers at the cabin, my daughters and grandkids will read these words and realize just how hard it was for Mom to get healthy and back into shape, and they'll understand how difficult and grueling this struggle was for me, and they'll maybe gain a new perspective about me.  Or maybe not.  Time will tell.

  
Here's hoping that my new attempt will be successful, and that I can reach my goal weight of 125 pounds by Thanksgiving, which falls on November 24th this year.  This is 73 days from now, which translates into roughly 2.5 pounds to lose per week.  I CAN DO THIS!!!  I'm thinking that Thanksgiving dinner is a great "reward meal" to look forward to - and hopefully, my stomach will have shrunk so much by then that I'll only be able to eat four bites of it.

Where, Oh Where Has My Motivation Gone??? 5/2/11

It has been really tough getting back into the swing of things the past two weeks.  I'm trying to look at those days not as a diet-failure (even though it felt like one), but rather as a "teeny-tiny little vacation" from my super-strict, ultra-regimented diet and exercise routines.  Sometimes, I think it's an OK thing to take a break from too much rigidity.  I've been working really REALLY hard at losing my extra weight.  I realize it sounds like I'm getting ready to make some big, huge declaration that sounds like a lame, flimsy excuse why I have been pigging out and blowing my diet.  But I'm not.


I'm actually pretty proud of myself.  At my lowest, I had lost 18.5 pounds...and I'm still within a half pound of that accomplishment!  So yes, I haven't exercised in 18 days, and YES, I've been pretty lax with my eating on those days.  But I haven't just allowed myself to indulge in a crazy free-for-all.  Quite the contrary.  I have started each day with the best of intentions, and I've weighed myself every single morning and written down every single thing I've eaten, though not always the exact measurements and calories.  I haven't eaten all crap; I've eaten my usual healthy stuff PLUS some random crap.  I have to say it:  I've enjoyed my little "detour" immensely.  


However...


Now it's time to get back on the wagon.  I've not only been slacking on my eating and exercising; I've avoided my blog, too.  Now I'm back - with a new purpose and every bit of the determination I had that helped me shed the first 18.5 pounds.

I won't reach my goal of weighing 125 by the first week of June.  I'm really OK with it.  Would I have LOVED to reach that goal?  Of course I would have!  But all I can do now is set a new goal.  In hindsight, I feel like losing 3.0 to 3.5 pounds per week was probably too ambitious for me.  I know that it's possible to lose anywhere from 2.0 to 10.0 pounds in a week - but if it's water-weight you're losing, and if you go back to your old rotten eating habits afterward...the weight will creep back on.  I'm trying really hard to set goals for myself that won't only be attainable, but will also be MAINtainable.  


I am sick-and-fricking tired of the yo-yo effect.  Even my best weeks on this new eating/exercise plan contained some of fluctuation.  I realize that there is always going to be up and down happening on any scale, simply because we don't have any control over how fast we are digesting what we eat!  I'm more referring to the "lose 3 pounds, gain one back...lose three pounds, gain one back" phenomenon.  Or maybe I'm the only person on earth who this happens to???


I had plotted a course to hit 124.0 pounds by June 6th, based on a 3.0-pound weekly weight-loss.  All-in-all not an overly-ambitious plan, but for me, ultimately unattainable.  If I had not had the 18-day break in the middle, maybe I could have done it.  My point is simply that the 18-day break means that I will NOT attain that particular goal.  So today, I am setting new goals.


Today is actually May 13th, and I am writing two make-up posts.  I like the continuity of it.  It doesn't have anything to do with me being hopelessly OCD.  Seriously.


So this post is for Monday, May 2.  Back on that date, I was firmly in the throes of my lovely little mini-break.  Here are listed some of the sinful things that I've treated myself to in the past 18 days, which, incidentally, are all strictly taboo on my regular diet plan:


Nilla wafers  (by the handful!)


Yogurt-covered raisins  (too high-cal, but a bit better than candy)


CEREAL  (specifically Golden Grahams, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Honey Nut Cheerios)

Girl Scout cookies  (love samoas!)

Keep me away from these if you hope to get one.

English Muffin toast (with real butter and peanut butter, naturally!)

White flour paradise.

Pretzels (with whipped cream cheese, naturally!)

Swedish Fish  (corn-syrupy goodness)

Spearmint leaf gummy candies  (addicted, will eat an entire bag if not careful)

Coke Classic  (the love of my life)

Dr. Pepper  (2nd fiddle only to Mr. Coke)

Gummy Starburst candies  (liquid-filled and can't eat less than the entire bag)

Have tried to NOT eat an entire bag, many times.  Have yet to succeed.

"Pretzel Time" bites  (at the mall - hot and chewy and shared with baby)

Dairy Queen dipped cones  (I'm supposed to avoid these when DQ FINALLY just opened?!)

My cone of choice is cherry-dipped...335 calories for a SMALL.

Microwave popcorn  (WITH melted real butter, naturally!)

Frosted Blueberry Pop Tarts  (random gas station purchase)

Another food I could easily eat an entire box of in one sitting.

Cherry Gummies  (needed them to wash down my Pop Tart)


"Big Daddy's" California Burger & homemade fries  (WORTH EVERY CALORIE)


Reeses Mini Peanut Butter Cups  (I've lost count how many I've snuck)


Assorted Movie Candy  (faves are Good 'N Plenty, Jolly Rancher Gummies, and Hot Tamales)


Vanilla ice cream  (topped with chocolate chips and Hershey's chocolate syrup, naturally!)


White bakery bread  (with a gooey, delicious "everything" seasoning blend on it made of garlic, onion bits, and poppyseeds...YUM!)

I snarfed the bread version of this bagel...just as delicious!

Tostitos and picante sauce  (Mother's Day appetizers), lasagna and garlic bread  (Mother's Day dinner), a massive goblet of Cruz Garcia Real Sangria  (Mother's Day beverage of choice, naturally!), and decadent Mother's Day cake  (infused with chocolate FOUR different ways, all evil)

This cake is INSANE.  So chocolatey I could only eat a small-ish piece.

Macaroni and Cheese  (baby's leftovers, but still taboo)


Ripple potato chips  (with Top the Tater, naturally!), and HANDFULS of mini eclairs and frosted brownies  (at niece Serra's church confirmation after-party...ridiculously indulgent, but again, worth every calorie)

OMG.  I have NO WORDS.

This is the end of my "Fun Foods I Consumed in the Past 18 Days" list.
My mouth was watering reading it, but I have to be done with the binging for now.

So, isn't it OBVIOUS what Kristin craves the most???

Yep.  CARBS.  Of all shapes, sizes, textures, and varieties.  Pop, candy, pastries, chocolate, ice cream...and bread, pasta, cereal, pretzels, chips, etc. etc. etc.  All of the foods I am denying myself every day, and all 100% to blame for my extra 40 pounds.  When I stuck to my plan, exercised a little, and quit those foods...I lost 18.5 pounds, fairly quickly.  Period. 

Now I just have to do it again.

On to my new goals, my new resolve, and by summer, a much smaller me.

My Most Stressful Week in Recent Memory: 4/25/11

I am still a week behind on my blog posts.  I'm going to try to write a "make-up" entry tonight for last Monday night, even though I'm really tired and I don't feel like typing right now.  I'll try to keep my lack of energy and spunk from seeping into my words, if that is possible.  I will try to do another post later this week so that I'm caught up again.  I REALLY hate falling behind.  It's my damn OCD.


The past 7 days have been fairly nightmarish.  Allow me to condense:


Monday  4/25 - 7:00 a.m. - Arrived at Essentia Health (St. Mary's / Duluth Clinic) to have Essure Procedure done.  Anyone not familiar with THAT fun little adventure can read all about it here:    Essure Home Page

Oodles and bushels and buckets of FUN.

Monday 4/25 - 10:00 a.m. - After being home only 45 minutes and craving at least a 5-hour NAP, our 2-year-old daughter swallowed a small bite of smoked fish and somehow managed to get a bone buried in her right tonsil.

FLASH FORWARD to 3:00 a.m. Tuesday morning.  Returned home from the Emergency Room / Operating Room, following  surgery on said toddler to remove the offending fish bone.  She's fine.  But Mommy was an effing-nervous wreck.  Guts were tied in knots after 7 hours at the hospital.  On top of the horrific stress of the ordeal, I realized around midnight that I hadn't eaten since chowing the smoked fish at 10:00 a.m. that morning - which prompted me to immediately eat my weight in vending machine crap.  45 minutes into our hour in the Family Waiting Room, I had downed TWO cans of (real) Coke, half a bag of Twizzlers, one Pop Tart, and a bag of Nacho Doritos.  Yep.

Do not feed these to your baby.  (Fish bones OR pennies.)

Tuesday 4/26 continued - Noon - All was back to normal.  Baby is fine.  She was happy, running around, and eating everything in sight.  So...Mommy followed suit.  I ordered Chinese food with the hubby at 5:00 p.m. and regret it immensely for the next 8 hours...UGH.

Wednesday 4/27 - Back to work.  Had a great calorie-counting day.  Ended at 1100 calories, like I try to every day.  Still too sore in the tubal-region to exercise, but I'll be fully recovered and back on the elliptical machine soon.

Thursday 4/28/11 - ANOTHER great calorie-counting day...ended up at 1065 calories at 6:45 p.m.!  Very proud of how I've been staying on-track.  Hoping it will last.  

HAhahahahahahahahahahahahaHA.

FLASH FORWARD to 2:00 a.m. Friday morning.  Prince William & Commoner Kate were preparing to be hitched, within the following 3 hours.  How often does one get the chance to watch a ROYAL WEDDING live on T.V.?  NEVER, that's how often.  The last one I watched was that of Will's parents, 30 YEARS ago!  Needless to say...between 2:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m., I snarfed:  A couple HANDFULS of generic Nilla Wafers, a bunch of pretzel sticks, a bunch of dry roasted peanuts, a movie-size BOX of Milk Duds, a movie-size BOX of Good 'N Plenty, and a can of (real) Coke.  Oh my GOD!!!!!!!

I admit I was riveted, just like the other billion people watching the Royal Wedding!

Happily Ever After

A real-life fairy tale for Kate...very happy to see their happy ending!

Friday 4/29/11 continued - The day proceeded on a gruesome path after the Royal Nuptial Carb-Fest.  Frozen cheese enchiladas, a bunch of mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, a microwave-sized Kraft Macaroni and Cheese...all before 4:00 p.m., and then a home-cooked dinner of fresh baked salmon, salad, and ice cream with chocolate chips and Hershey's chocolate syrup for dessert...all after 8:30 p.m.!!!

Saturday 4/30/11 - Didn't count calories.  Ate more ice cream.  Went to Guadalajara Restaurant for chips, salsa, guacamole, and cheese dip, and a medium margarita with my hubby...and THEN went to see "Fast Five," and continued to eat buttered popcorn, a movie-size BOX of Skittles, and a Coke Zero.  BURP.

GO SEE "Fast Five."  This is one testosterone-fest that should NOT BE MISSED.

Sunday 5/1/11 - Didn't count calories - AGAIN.  Started my day's eating at 11:45 a.m. at the "Town of Superior Volunteer Fire Department Spring Pancake Breakfast Fundraiser."  My sweet hubby's on the squad.  I was relatively restrained, eating two pancakes with syrup, two over-easy eggs, and some coffee and milk.  Then later in the day, we went BACK to Guadalajara with the kids at 7:00 p.m. and ate dinner.  I had shrimp fajitas, Spanish rice and refried beans, more chips, salsa and cheese dip, and another medium margarita.

Thanks for all you do, hubby!

It was, in a word, a week of INDULGENCE.

I eat a lot more when I'm stressed.  Last week was one for the "Stress Record Books." 

My weight has fluctuated some, but not as wildly as I thought it would.  A quick glance at the past two weeks of morning weigh-ins looks like this:

Monday 4/18 ------- 150.0
Tuesday 4/19 ------ 148.0
Wednesday 4/20 -- 147.5
Thursday 4/21 ---- 148.0
Friday 4/22 -------- 149.0
Saturday 4/23 ----- 150.0
Sunday 4/24 ------- 153.5

Monday 4/25 ------- 152.5
Tuesday 4/26 ------ 151.5
Wednesday 4/27 -- 152.5
Thursday 4/28 ---- 150.5
Friday 4/29 -------- 150.0
Saturday 4/30 ----- 151.0
Sunday 5/1 --------- 150.0

Monday 5/2 -------- 151.5

For some strange reason, I feel marginally better when I look at the past two weeks documented in this way.  I'm 1.5 pounds heavier than I was two weeks ago, but I feel like it could have been SO SO SO much worse than that, given all the calories I have consumed in the past week alone.  I haven't been able to exercise this past week - but I plan to start back up with it tomorrow.  Today has been perfect - I'm exactly on-track for an 1100-calorie day.

I am determined to put the past two weeks of indulgence behind me now.

Onward...

Carbs = Hunger = FAT: 4/18/11

I am a realist.

I realize that every once in awhile, over-eating is inevitable.  It's going to happen.  The dreaded "Food Events" of are going to gang-up on me sometimes.  What I need to do is learn how to handle them better when they happen.  Ideally, when I'm trying to lose 20+ more pounds, I'd sequester myself inside some kind of cocoon where there are no food temptations, no situations where everyone around me is eating all of the foods I love, and no deviation from my calorie-counting duties, my exercise machines, and my strict self-control.

Unfortunately, life doesn't roll that way.  The past week has been tough for me, but not because I'm losing focus, or because I don't care about succeeding.  I've had a very screwy week of eating.  Monday was perfect, ending at 1100 calories.  Tuesday was OK, with a lunch at Guadalajara at noon, but I skipped the chips and all but a couple bites of Spanish rice and tried the grilled shrimp and veggies, which was delicious.  That evening I did 50 elliptical minutes, which felt great - and sure enough, I was down to 147.5 pounds on Wednesday morning.  Wednesday was another great 1100-calorie day, combined with 60 treadmill minutes - but I was UP a half pound on Thursday morning.  Looking back, I think that tiny disappointment must have mentally knocked me down more than I realized, because my self-control flew into the shitter on Thursday afternoon and stayed there until Saturday evening.

I did not do well between Thursday afternoon and Saturday night.  I was on-track until 1:00 p.m. Thursday, and then... I LOST IT.  I went out for lunch to J.B. Schneider's with my hubby, and instead of ordering the big salad I should have, I remember thinking about my morning scale disappointment for one second, and immediately followed that thought with this one:  "I WANT BREAD."  

I ordered what I thought would be an OK sandwich, filled with grilled veggies on Italian bread.  It was delicious but greasy.  I substituted tomato-basil soup for the fries, which was the only smart dieting choice I made the rest of that day.  Back at work after lunch, it was as though the flood-gates opened - I was INSTANTLY famished all over again, within the hour, most likely from the unfamiliar white-flour bread carbs in my system.  I inhaled FIVE Red Vines (similar to Twizzlers) and TEN mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups (OH MY GOD!!!) within an hour of lunch.  Yes, you read that right.  I devoured 625 calories of sugar carbs without tasting or enjoying them, AT ALL, and the remorse afterward only amplified my misery.

I first got addicted to Red Vines working at Hollywood Video.  I ate an entire box every time I worked.

I discovered there is a strange, "Red Vine / Harry Potter Culture" in existence.  Bizarre...

Yeah, they're small-ish.  But TEN of them STILL contain 450 calories!!!!!!!

I tried to reign myself in after that.  I tried to get a grip on my insane cravings for carbs and only ate and handful (maybe 1/4 cup) of dry roasted peanuts as I left work at 5:00 p.m.  Thursday ended with my favorite frozen Indian dinner, a Greek yogurt, a splash of coffee, and 55 elliptical minutes...but I was still up a full pound on Friday morning.

This is still my favorite frozen meal, after more than 7 months of eating them.  A LOT of them.

The "real" Greek brands taste better, but Dannon's honey flavor has the fewest calories.

Friday and Saturday sucked, calorie-wise and self-control-wise.  There are simply no other words to describe my actions.  I did well early in the day on Friday, in anticipation of my evening plans - a 4:00 matinee with my Mom and sister, followed by dinner out afterward.  At the movie ("Water for Elephants," AMAZING!!!) I ate an entire small lard-coated popcorn, TWO boxes of movie candy (Good 'N Plenty AND Jolly Rancher Gummies), and a smuggled-in can of Cherry Coke Zero.  India Palace followed at 6:30, with most of my usual favorites.  It was a free-for-all of hot chai, plain naan, basmati rice, tamarind chutney, and navratan korma.  The only thing I skipped were the veggie samosas; I had no room for them after so much movie food.  They were missed.

ADDICTIVE.  I can eat a whole box and not even notice.

Mindless munching.

Saturday (yesterday) was much the same, except that I didn't bother to count calories AT ALL.  I snarfed a frozen, generic white-flour waffle with spray butter and fakey syrup in the morning.  (In my defense, I did make it for baby, but she only wanted her venison bacon - so I ate the waffle, rather than throwing it out.  Lame excuse, but true.)  Around noon I ate a heaping bowl (at least a TRIPLE-serving) of Golden Grahams with WHOLE milk, less than an hour before heading to my Mom's house for Easter brunch.  WHY did I feel the need to do that?!  I should NOT have eaten that cereal, knowing I was about to embark on a holiday calorie-fest.  I felt like I was starving, and I can only assume that it was the white-flour waffle and fakey syrup carbs that spiked my hunger response so dramatically.  I felt like I couldn't make it less than an hour without food - so I grabbed the first thing that popped into my brain, which was cereal.  

THIS is NOT a healthy breakfast.

With the high fructose syrup omitted, here's what you get now:  Corn syrup, "liquid sugar" (natural sugar & water), lactic acid, cellulose gum, preservatives, caramel color, and a few other mysterious ingredients I can't pronounce.

Easter brunch was delicious.  Appetizers were veggies and dip, crackers and pickled herring, Coke, Dr. Pepper, little dishes of jelly beans and toffee-covered peanuts.  Dinner was baked ham, cheesy-scalloped potatoes, green beans, ceasar salad, Apple-Snicker salad, dinner rolls with butter, and I had two glasses of my favorite sangria.  We watched a movie afterward ("Kate & Leopold," sweet!), which included buttery microwave popcorn, more pop, and coffee with yummy flavored creamer.  I got home with the kids after 8:00 p.m., with a very over-full but deliriously-happy stomach.


SO then...


Can ANYONE OUT THERE explain to me why I felt the need to wolf down ANOTHER huge bowl of Golden Grahams at 10:00 p.m?!?!?!?

Apparently, I cannot have these in the house.

You don't really have to tell me why.  I already know why.  The carbs from my delicious, decadent holiday dinner party caused my insulin response to spike, which is why I felt like I was STARVING to death at 10:00 p.m., even though my stomach was still distended with the food I had inhaled all day.  I wasn't really hungry, CLEARLY, but I felt like I was.  


The following statement is of course just my opinion, but in case I haven't made my thoughts on the subject clear enough in the past, I'll repeat it now:   


I.  CANNOT.  EAT.  CARBS.  WHEN.  I.  AM.  DIETING.


I know that a human needs a certain amount of the RIGHT carbs to function.  Those are not the kinds of carbs I'm talking about here.  Obviously, the kind I mean are the ones that aren't whole-grains, vegetables, fruits, and beans - a.k.a. "healthy carbs."  I mean white-flour, refined, processed, sugary carbs.  When I eat them, I literally LOSE ALL CONTROL over any eating that follows.  


I bought the "Carb-Addict's Diet" book years ago, and one of the first things written in that book is a list of questions designed to tell you what "type" of carb-addict you are.  Based on your answers, it tells you whether your addiction to carbohydrates is mild, moderate, or severe. 

Here's a link to this Quiz - EVERYONE should take this!!!
The Carbohydrate Addict's Quick Quiz


Guess which one I AM???


Yep.  I'm a "SEVERE" carb-addict, according to the "Carb-Addict's Diet" book.  So I guess it shouldn't really surprise me that eating the "wrong" kinds of carbs affects me so dramatically.  I KNOW THIS about myself.  


So why is it SO hard to avoid them???


I'll let you know when I solve that puzzle, and then I'll share my billions with you.


I'm SIX POUNDS heavier this morning than I was on Wednesday morning - that's just 96 HOURS ago!!!  Needless to say, I'm pretty disgusted with myself today.  Today will be a good day, though.  I WILL consume no more than 1100 calories, and there WILL be an hour-long workout.  The thought of anything else today is repulsive.

Still On-Track!!! 4/11/11

I am starting to believe that this may actually be possible.

I was so depressed about my weight back in January.  I couldn't imagine what it was going to take to finally turn things around, and for the pounds to start coming off.  I felt sabotaged so much of the time.  I started this blog on September 20th of last year, in anticipation of the looming Thanksgiving holiday.  I was hoping that the blog would prevent my yearly "holiday weight-gain."  It didn't.  I weighed 159.0 on the first day of this blog, and by February 7th of this year I had gained an additional 6.5 pounds.  It seemed like I was never going to get a grip on my weight.  That prospect had me feeling so sad and depressed, every day, that I was struggling to even remember any of my reasons for wanting to lose this weight in the first place.

DESPERATION DAY:  February 7, 2011

I keep trying to pin-point what caused the wake-up-call for me; what was my exact "rock-bottom" point or epiphany.  Ultimately I think it was a whole pile of things mashed together, like potatoes.  (GOD, I miss potatoes...)


But the one thing I remember most clearly about February 7th was that I woke up feeling utterly miserable, and I slogged to the mirror, looked at myself, and I looked hideous.  My face looked all puffy and lumpy; my skin looked gray and unhealthy.  My hair was streaked with gray and I was wearing the only thing I COULD wear for pajamas; baggy sweats and an over-sized t-shirt.  And I just remember this one thought that popped into my head, which was, "Do you want to look and feel this shitty forever?!"  That thought was followed quickly by, "If you were Chris (my hubby), would YOU want to wake up next to you every morning?!


The answer to both questions was, of course, a resounding, "HELL NO!!!"

No shit.

I remember making a little promise to myself that day, which was to give my weight-loss effort the serious planning and consideration and attention that I knew it was lacking, starting at that moment.  And for whatever reason, on that day it stuck.  I couldn't stand to look at myself in that mirror.  I didn't just look like a triple-sized version of my former self.  I looked unhealthy, and even sickly, straight down to my soul.


Now it's about nine weeks later, and I've finally made some real progress.  The first four days of this past week were great.  I weighed 147.5 pounds on Thursday - which meant that I had lost 18.0 pounds total by that point.  This has me feeling very optimistic, over-all.  I am ABSOLUTELY psyched up about it.  I am still following everything I've been writing about on here for the past few weeks.  My daily calorie goal is 1100, and I hit that mark exactly last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.  I am doing 4 to 5 hours of cardio each week, split between the elliptical machine, the treadmill, and a bit of Tae Bo and "Wii Zumba."  The "Yoga for Weight-Loss" DVD hasn't clicked with me.  I tried it once - I actually got nauseous doing it!  Is that normal?  I think I may have tried to do it too soon after eating dinner.  I'll try it again at some point; I'm just not sure when.

Pretty much.

Every time I do an hour of cardio I'm burning about 400 calories, which lands me at about 700 un-burned calories for those days.  There is no possible way for me to not lose weight consuming so little, and that is no doubt why I am losing pounds.  The bonus I am experiencing is an increase in energy.  I know that my food choices are influencing this greatly.  When you're only eating 1100 calories daily, every single calorie counts - this was evident from the first week.  When I eat 1100 healthy, high-quality calories, I feel great all day - AND, I rarely experience cravings between meals.  This shocks me!  My daily calories now consist of lots of tea, lean protein, rye crackers and Ezekiel bread, Greek yogurt, apples and berries, raw veggies with fat-free veggie dip, plain chicken broth, calorie-countable-frozen dinners like organic Indian meals with peas, garbanzo beans and rice or organic cheese enchiladas, lots of sugarless gum, and a few diet pops here and there.

Typical American Dieter

The weekends are still the toughest for me, beginning on Fridays when I get home from work.  My diet "Danger Zone" is from Friday around 6:00 p.m. until I go to bed on Sunday.  Right now, I am still struggling to get my cravings under control during that time period.  I am doing GREAT all week.  I am exercising, and sticking to 1100 calories per day most week days.  But once the work week ends...

All holy hell breaks loose.

Just what I need; a SECOND mouth to shove food into

Today is Monday 4/18, which means I am posting a week late.  This post is really for last Monday.  I will post again this week at some point, just to keep my posts up to date with one per week.  I hate falling behind like this.  I started this post last Thursday, and am just now finishing it.  Can you say, "How can anyone have so little free time and be sane?!"  Yeah, you said it.


So this past weekend sucked calorie-wise.  I did great until Friday evening.  Then I blew it.  Friday was perfect until 5:30 p.m., and then it was movie candy (chowed while ON the treadmill, no less...!), microwave popcorn, ice cream with chocolate syrup and chocolate chips...  Grrrrrrr.  Saturday was a bagel with egg and cheese at Big Apple Bagels, tomato-basil soup with saltines, and 2 mini cheesecake muffins, then later on I gobbled vermicelli with Parmesan after feeding some to baby, and I wrapped up my Saturday splurging on a date with the hubby that included a margarita, 3 slices of crostini with mozerella, movie theater popcorn, a box of Jr, Mints, and a handful of mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.  Sunday was great until 5:30, again... and then a GINORMOUS diet fail consisting of 2 Pillsbury Crescent rolls with butter, a can of real Dr, Pepper, a bowl of Golden Grahams mixed with Honey Bunches of Oats and covered in WHOLE milk, a bunch of pretzels dunked in whipped cream cheese, a bunch of Nestle chocolate chunks, and a mini Snickers bar - ALL consumed within a 40-minute time period.  NOT kidding.

I might as well have eaten this for my Sunday splurge; it probably contains less calories over-all

<sigh>


I HATE it when I do this.  But sometimes I'm an idiot, and I do this.  


All I can do is get back on the horse and resume.  And resume I have, three pounds heavier this morning than I was on Friday morning, but even more determined to lose it again - plus three more pounds - this week.

I will not eat the pretty donut.  I will not eat the pretty donut.  I WILL NOT eat the pretty donut.

My obvious goal this coming weekend will be to NOT eat enough carbs and sugar and calories in any given 40-minute period that would be enough to sustain myself for four days.

Even the best of intentions backfire occasionally...

How the hell did this get here?