After 162 days, my tables seem to be turning (or tipping?) slightly in my favor. My last two posts went into graphic detail about my "new plan," and this week I'm happy to be able to report some positive initial results. The plan works. It's ridiculously simple, really:
1. Rid the house of ALL crap/non-diet food (and thus all temptation to cheat).
|(...or at least starve to death, since Mommy never cooks anymore.)|
|Yep. Pretty much.|
That's it. That's the plan. And it works - at least for me.
I'm starting to notice subtle changes in how I look and feel. Today I weighed 160.5, which is technically 1.5 pounds HEAVIER than I was when I first started my diet journey, and this blog, on September 20th of last year. Then, between that day and February 7th of this year, I gained a total of 6.5 pounds. Whether it happened during Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or during my very apathetic entire month of January, it's irrelevant. All it really means to me is that it brought my total "pounds I need to lose" up to 40.5.
If I can somehow stick to such a low-calorie plan as this, I will lose the weight. I don't really care how long it takes me, because I know there will be times - what I like to call "food events" or "special eating occasions" - that slow down or even stop my progress for a day or two. (i.e., Dinner out with the hubby, birthdays or other get-togethers with the extended family, movie nights, etc.) As long as I don't allow myself to take part in TOO MANY food events, I know I'll be OK. I have no illusions that sticking to 1100 calories per day will be easy. I already hate it. I'm hungry all the time. But when I DO stick to it, I see the results on my scale. And that, after all, is the reason I'm torturing myself this way in the first place. Right?
I did great last week, sticking religiously to my 1100-calorie goal, (with the only exception being a nice Guadalajara meal with my hubby on Saturday night... though I was good and skipped the Sinful Liquid Cheese chip dip!) I had even managed THREE nights of exercise - Tae Bo on Monday, treadmill on Tuesday, and elliptical on Saturday - which I think was an amazing accomplishment for me, considering I've barely moved in 2 1/2 years. I felt diligent, motivated and strong.
Right up until yesterday afternoon, just before the Oscars.
Around 3:00 p.m., I had what can only be described as an Epic Diet FAIL. First, I drank a 20-oz. bottle of Coke Classic. Then, I ate a lemon-poppy seed muffin, though without any butter. Then, I moved on to movie candy; cherry-jelly hearts and 450 calories worth (an entire movie-sized bag) of Skittles. Then, it was ripple potato chips and Top-the-Tater dip. Then, an entire bag of "Orville Redenbacher" Tender White microwave popcorn. Then, two cans of A & W root beer. Then, more movie candy - about half a movie-sized bag of Twizzler cherry bites. I finally stopped after that, bloated and feeling pretty disgusting and remorseful.
Sometimes binges like these happen. I get that. But they don't have to happen OFTEN. For me, up until now, I've allowed it to happen anytime I had the tiniest craving. I'd eat one little treat, and then feel like such a dieting failure that I'd just think, "Now I've blown the whole day" and I'd eat whatever I felt like for the rest of that entire day. This is something I think many people do. But for me, if I can just figure out a way to look at a single instance of cheating (even if it lasts a couple of hours, LOL) for what it truly is - ONE slip-up - then I'll have it made.
I'm trying to re-program my brain, to look at food in a completely new way. I know the whole theory that "food should be thought of as sustenance, and nothing more." Easy to say, damn-near impossible to do. But if I could only get myself to think that way a LITTLE bit... I think it would help me. There are so so SO many times that I know I eat when I'm not really hungry. I've never really thought of myself as a big "emotional eater," but to some extent, I must be. I LOVE food. Food makes me HAPPY. I'm never more deliriously ecstatic than when I have a big bowl of air-popped white popcorn on my lap, drizzled with real butter and liberally salted, and an ice-cold can of Coke in my hand. This is literally a "heaven-on-earth" scenario for me.
|Oh, how I miss thee.|
I honestly believe I can do this.