Where, Oh Where Has My Motivation Gone??? 5/2/11

It has been really tough getting back into the swing of things the past two weeks.  I'm trying to look at those days not as a diet-failure (even though it felt like one), but rather as a "teeny-tiny little vacation" from my super-strict, ultra-regimented diet and exercise routines.  Sometimes, I think it's an OK thing to take a break from too much rigidity.  I've been working really REALLY hard at losing my extra weight.  I realize it sounds like I'm getting ready to make some big, huge declaration that sounds like a lame, flimsy excuse why I have been pigging out and blowing my diet.  But I'm not.


I'm actually pretty proud of myself.  At my lowest, I had lost 18.5 pounds...and I'm still within a half pound of that accomplishment!  So yes, I haven't exercised in 18 days, and YES, I've been pretty lax with my eating on those days.  But I haven't just allowed myself to indulge in a crazy free-for-all.  Quite the contrary.  I have started each day with the best of intentions, and I've weighed myself every single morning and written down every single thing I've eaten, though not always the exact measurements and calories.  I haven't eaten all crap; I've eaten my usual healthy stuff PLUS some random crap.  I have to say it:  I've enjoyed my little "detour" immensely.  


However...


Now it's time to get back on the wagon.  I've not only been slacking on my eating and exercising; I've avoided my blog, too.  Now I'm back - with a new purpose and every bit of the determination I had that helped me shed the first 18.5 pounds.

I won't reach my goal of weighing 125 by the first week of June.  I'm really OK with it.  Would I have LOVED to reach that goal?  Of course I would have!  But all I can do now is set a new goal.  In hindsight, I feel like losing 3.0 to 3.5 pounds per week was probably too ambitious for me.  I know that it's possible to lose anywhere from 2.0 to 10.0 pounds in a week - but if it's water-weight you're losing, and if you go back to your old rotten eating habits afterward...the weight will creep back on.  I'm trying really hard to set goals for myself that won't only be attainable, but will also be MAINtainable.  


I am sick-and-fricking tired of the yo-yo effect.  Even my best weeks on this new eating/exercise plan contained some of fluctuation.  I realize that there is always going to be up and down happening on any scale, simply because we don't have any control over how fast we are digesting what we eat!  I'm more referring to the "lose 3 pounds, gain one back...lose three pounds, gain one back" phenomenon.  Or maybe I'm the only person on earth who this happens to???


I had plotted a course to hit 124.0 pounds by June 6th, based on a 3.0-pound weekly weight-loss.  All-in-all not an overly-ambitious plan, but for me, ultimately unattainable.  If I had not had the 18-day break in the middle, maybe I could have done it.  My point is simply that the 18-day break means that I will NOT attain that particular goal.  So today, I am setting new goals.


Today is actually May 13th, and I am writing two make-up posts.  I like the continuity of it.  It doesn't have anything to do with me being hopelessly OCD.  Seriously.


So this post is for Monday, May 2.  Back on that date, I was firmly in the throes of my lovely little mini-break.  Here are listed some of the sinful things that I've treated myself to in the past 18 days, which, incidentally, are all strictly taboo on my regular diet plan:


Nilla wafers  (by the handful!)


Yogurt-covered raisins  (too high-cal, but a bit better than candy)


CEREAL  (specifically Golden Grahams, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Honey Nut Cheerios)

Girl Scout cookies  (love samoas!)

Keep me away from these if you hope to get one.

English Muffin toast (with real butter and peanut butter, naturally!)

White flour paradise.

Pretzels (with whipped cream cheese, naturally!)

Swedish Fish  (corn-syrupy goodness)

Spearmint leaf gummy candies  (addicted, will eat an entire bag if not careful)

Coke Classic  (the love of my life)

Dr. Pepper  (2nd fiddle only to Mr. Coke)

Gummy Starburst candies  (liquid-filled and can't eat less than the entire bag)

Have tried to NOT eat an entire bag, many times.  Have yet to succeed.

"Pretzel Time" bites  (at the mall - hot and chewy and shared with baby)

Dairy Queen dipped cones  (I'm supposed to avoid these when DQ FINALLY just opened?!)

My cone of choice is cherry-dipped...335 calories for a SMALL.

Microwave popcorn  (WITH melted real butter, naturally!)

Frosted Blueberry Pop Tarts  (random gas station purchase)

Another food I could easily eat an entire box of in one sitting.

Cherry Gummies  (needed them to wash down my Pop Tart)


"Big Daddy's" California Burger & homemade fries  (WORTH EVERY CALORIE)


Reeses Mini Peanut Butter Cups  (I've lost count how many I've snuck)


Assorted Movie Candy  (faves are Good 'N Plenty, Jolly Rancher Gummies, and Hot Tamales)


Vanilla ice cream  (topped with chocolate chips and Hershey's chocolate syrup, naturally!)


White bakery bread  (with a gooey, delicious "everything" seasoning blend on it made of garlic, onion bits, and poppyseeds...YUM!)

I snarfed the bread version of this bagel...just as delicious!

Tostitos and picante sauce  (Mother's Day appetizers), lasagna and garlic bread  (Mother's Day dinner), a massive goblet of Cruz Garcia Real Sangria  (Mother's Day beverage of choice, naturally!), and decadent Mother's Day cake  (infused with chocolate FOUR different ways, all evil)

This cake is INSANE.  So chocolatey I could only eat a small-ish piece.

Macaroni and Cheese  (baby's leftovers, but still taboo)


Ripple potato chips  (with Top the Tater, naturally!), and HANDFULS of mini eclairs and frosted brownies  (at niece Serra's church confirmation after-party...ridiculously indulgent, but again, worth every calorie)

OMG.  I have NO WORDS.

This is the end of my "Fun Foods I Consumed in the Past 18 Days" list.
My mouth was watering reading it, but I have to be done with the binging for now.

So, isn't it OBVIOUS what Kristin craves the most???

Yep.  CARBS.  Of all shapes, sizes, textures, and varieties.  Pop, candy, pastries, chocolate, ice cream...and bread, pasta, cereal, pretzels, chips, etc. etc. etc.  All of the foods I am denying myself every day, and all 100% to blame for my extra 40 pounds.  When I stuck to my plan, exercised a little, and quit those foods...I lost 18.5 pounds, fairly quickly.  Period. 

Now I just have to do it again.

On to my new goals, my new resolve, and by summer, a much smaller me.

My Most Stressful Week in Recent Memory: 4/25/11

I am still a week behind on my blog posts.  I'm going to try to write a "make-up" entry tonight for last Monday night, even though I'm really tired and I don't feel like typing right now.  I'll try to keep my lack of energy and spunk from seeping into my words, if that is possible.  I will try to do another post later this week so that I'm caught up again.  I REALLY hate falling behind.  It's my damn OCD.


The past 7 days have been fairly nightmarish.  Allow me to condense:


Monday  4/25 - 7:00 a.m. - Arrived at Essentia Health (St. Mary's / Duluth Clinic) to have Essure Procedure done.  Anyone not familiar with THAT fun little adventure can read all about it here:    Essure Home Page

Oodles and bushels and buckets of FUN.

Monday 4/25 - 10:00 a.m. - After being home only 45 minutes and craving at least a 5-hour NAP, our 2-year-old daughter swallowed a small bite of smoked fish and somehow managed to get a bone buried in her right tonsil.

FLASH FORWARD to 3:00 a.m. Tuesday morning.  Returned home from the Emergency Room / Operating Room, following  surgery on said toddler to remove the offending fish bone.  She's fine.  But Mommy was an effing-nervous wreck.  Guts were tied in knots after 7 hours at the hospital.  On top of the horrific stress of the ordeal, I realized around midnight that I hadn't eaten since chowing the smoked fish at 10:00 a.m. that morning - which prompted me to immediately eat my weight in vending machine crap.  45 minutes into our hour in the Family Waiting Room, I had downed TWO cans of (real) Coke, half a bag of Twizzlers, one Pop Tart, and a bag of Nacho Doritos.  Yep.

Do not feed these to your baby.  (Fish bones OR pennies.)

Tuesday 4/26 continued - Noon - All was back to normal.  Baby is fine.  She was happy, running around, and eating everything in sight.  So...Mommy followed suit.  I ordered Chinese food with the hubby at 5:00 p.m. and regret it immensely for the next 8 hours...UGH.

Wednesday 4/27 - Back to work.  Had a great calorie-counting day.  Ended at 1100 calories, like I try to every day.  Still too sore in the tubal-region to exercise, but I'll be fully recovered and back on the elliptical machine soon.

Thursday 4/28/11 - ANOTHER great calorie-counting day...ended up at 1065 calories at 6:45 p.m.!  Very proud of how I've been staying on-track.  Hoping it will last.  

HAhahahahahahahahahahahahaHA.

FLASH FORWARD to 2:00 a.m. Friday morning.  Prince William & Commoner Kate were preparing to be hitched, within the following 3 hours.  How often does one get the chance to watch a ROYAL WEDDING live on T.V.?  NEVER, that's how often.  The last one I watched was that of Will's parents, 30 YEARS ago!  Needless to say...between 2:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m., I snarfed:  A couple HANDFULS of generic Nilla Wafers, a bunch of pretzel sticks, a bunch of dry roasted peanuts, a movie-size BOX of Milk Duds, a movie-size BOX of Good 'N Plenty, and a can of (real) Coke.  Oh my GOD!!!!!!!

I admit I was riveted, just like the other billion people watching the Royal Wedding!

Happily Ever After

A real-life fairy tale for Kate...very happy to see their happy ending!

Friday 4/29/11 continued - The day proceeded on a gruesome path after the Royal Nuptial Carb-Fest.  Frozen cheese enchiladas, a bunch of mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, a microwave-sized Kraft Macaroni and Cheese...all before 4:00 p.m., and then a home-cooked dinner of fresh baked salmon, salad, and ice cream with chocolate chips and Hershey's chocolate syrup for dessert...all after 8:30 p.m.!!!

Saturday 4/30/11 - Didn't count calories.  Ate more ice cream.  Went to Guadalajara Restaurant for chips, salsa, guacamole, and cheese dip, and a medium margarita with my hubby...and THEN went to see "Fast Five," and continued to eat buttered popcorn, a movie-size BOX of Skittles, and a Coke Zero.  BURP.

GO SEE "Fast Five."  This is one testosterone-fest that should NOT BE MISSED.

Sunday 5/1/11 - Didn't count calories - AGAIN.  Started my day's eating at 11:45 a.m. at the "Town of Superior Volunteer Fire Department Spring Pancake Breakfast Fundraiser."  My sweet hubby's on the squad.  I was relatively restrained, eating two pancakes with syrup, two over-easy eggs, and some coffee and milk.  Then later in the day, we went BACK to Guadalajara with the kids at 7:00 p.m. and ate dinner.  I had shrimp fajitas, Spanish rice and refried beans, more chips, salsa and cheese dip, and another medium margarita.

Thanks for all you do, hubby!

It was, in a word, a week of INDULGENCE.

I eat a lot more when I'm stressed.  Last week was one for the "Stress Record Books." 

My weight has fluctuated some, but not as wildly as I thought it would.  A quick glance at the past two weeks of morning weigh-ins looks like this:

Monday 4/18 ------- 150.0
Tuesday 4/19 ------ 148.0
Wednesday 4/20 -- 147.5
Thursday 4/21 ---- 148.0
Friday 4/22 -------- 149.0
Saturday 4/23 ----- 150.0
Sunday 4/24 ------- 153.5

Monday 4/25 ------- 152.5
Tuesday 4/26 ------ 151.5
Wednesday 4/27 -- 152.5
Thursday 4/28 ---- 150.5
Friday 4/29 -------- 150.0
Saturday 4/30 ----- 151.0
Sunday 5/1 --------- 150.0

Monday 5/2 -------- 151.5

For some strange reason, I feel marginally better when I look at the past two weeks documented in this way.  I'm 1.5 pounds heavier than I was two weeks ago, but I feel like it could have been SO SO SO much worse than that, given all the calories I have consumed in the past week alone.  I haven't been able to exercise this past week - but I plan to start back up with it tomorrow.  Today has been perfect - I'm exactly on-track for an 1100-calorie day.

I am determined to put the past two weeks of indulgence behind me now.

Onward...