Monday, January 3, 2011

I Hereby Resolve: 1/3/11

Yeah, I've been gone for 72 days. 

No excuses here, not one.  Lots of reasons, for sure.  They're all the same reasons anyone lists when explaining why their diet derailed.  Mine didn't derail so much as it IMPLODED.

I've never been one to do something half-assed.  

I'm a full-fledged Virgo, which means if I'm going to do a blog about my weight-loss journey, then it's going to be continuous and it's going to be accurate and damn it, it's not going to be a rambling, chaotic piece of crap!

You know it's time to put your blog "pen" down for a little while when you're rambling on about dieting while shoving food in your face, yes?  Yes.

So I put it down.  I have spent the past 72 days pondering... pondering hard.  I have a lot of hard work ahead of me.  On September 20th, the day I started this blog, I weighed 159.0 pounds.  Today, on January 3, 2011, I weigh 164.0 pounds.  To a Virgo, this very simply means that I have spent the past 72 days gaining 5 pounds.  I prefer to look at it in exactly this way.  Matter-of-factly, clearly, without a bunch of "whys" and "how-it-happened."  

As a Virgo, I can tell you that there are many things about myself that are so blatantly "Virgo" that it's impossible to separate those facets of my personality from the tasks I undertake.  My eating and my blogging are no exception here.  Specifically, the Virgo traits that I have found to describe me the very best include the following:

*  Hardworking
*  Reliable
*  Logical
*  Highly intellectual
*  Strong work ethic
*  Knack for detailed work
*  Sort & organize information & objects
*  Compartmentalize things in ones own mind
*  View the world through an analytical lens
*  Rational
*  Practical
*  Fuss over little details
*  Suffer from obsessions & compulsions
*  Like to spend time alone
*  May prefer the company of animals to that of people
*  Virgos are perfectionists & whatever they do, they need to do it thoroughly & get it exactly right or they feel dissatisfied

Yep, pretty much.

So basically, I'm your average, every-day basket case.  

I started my blog, it was great for a month, then I started to slack on my diet, slack on my blog, and I became highly "dissatisfied" with the entire process, and the rest was Virgo history.  I escaped to ponder my failures and re-group and plan a strategy for my eventual, triumphant return.

So here I am.  I have returned.  

I'm five pounds fatter, but my pondering and analysis have led me to re-think a few things and "tweak" my plan somewhat.

For starters, I have slightly altered my Goal Weight.  This is HUGE, because I have been aiming at my "pre-baby-Paige" weight from Day One as though it was etched in stone.  Then, I printed out some pictures of myself at that weight (which was 122 pounds), from July of 2007.  I don't like how I look in those pictures.  I've got ribs sticking out in places, and I have to agree with my family members who say I almost look sick.  So... I'm "gifting" myself three pounds.  (PARTY!!!)  My new goal weight is 125, and seriously, if I love how I look and feel when I hit 130, that will be where I stay.  You see, I remember how hard it was to maintain that 122 pounds just 3 years ago.  I remember that I was hungry ALL THE TIME.  I was trying to "get skinny" so I could fit into my wedding dress on October 29th.  I succeeded.  I fit into my dress on my wedding day, but the people closest to me all told me that I looked either too skinny or sick.

122 pounds of McRibs.

So there you have it.

Today, I am 164.0 pounds.  I have 39 pounds to lose.


P.S.  All of my New Year's Resolutions this year apply to my weight-loss journey.  They are as follows:

1.  No fast food.  No Erbert's & Gerberts "Titan" subs with extra sun-dried tomatoes; no Dominos Pizzas with feta-cheese and veggies; no Pretzel Time pretzels; no Cold Stone Creamery sundaes; no Taco John's Potato Oles; no Arby's breakfast sandwiches; no Dairy Queen fries; no McDonald's yogurt parfaits or monster Cokes.  <sniff sniff>

2.  Whenever humanly possible, count every calorie I consume.  (No explanation needed.  Big Fat DUH.)

3.  Whenever humanly possible, get a workout in.  (Treadmill, elliptical machine, Tae Bo, crunches, weights, WHATEVER.  Just quit making excuses and DO IT, you LAZY COW.)

4.  Whenever humanly possible, shop & cook healthy stuff for the whole family.  More homemade meals, more lean meats, veggies, salads, homemade soups, sprouted grain breads, seafood, venison, less dips, sauces, dressings, & condiments.  DUH.

5.  Whenever humanly possible, choose my beverages WISELY:  LOTS MORE water, tea, 100% juice, and V8 juice; lots LESS pop, coffee, and anything sugary; avoid artificial sweeteners (and cancer) completely.

6.  Get at least 8 hours of sleep each night.  (Please please PLEASE, Paige.)

7.  Less baking.  Less Chex Mix, cookies, muffins, biscuits, etc.  DUH.

8.  Try the following, to see if any of them have a positive effect on my life:  Yoga, Tai Chi, Pilates, and Qigong.

9.  Whenever humanly possible, find the time to read, every day, and read as many weight-loss success stories and self-help books in 2011 as I can.

10.  Weigh myself and post a blog entry every single Monday in 2011.  It may only be one sentence.  It may be 1000 sentences.  But whatever it ends up being, it will be an honest depiction of my weight-loss journey.



I hate the fact that I have to THINK about food every minute of every day, in order to lose weight.  I hate that I feel as weak as I do, and as helpless as I do.  Many days, I feel like a complete, utter failure.  Many days, I simply don't care enough to try.  Simply put, losing these pounds is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, and that includes squeezing out not one, but TWO nearly-9-pound babies.  Even though I love my babies more than anything, I just cannot adopt the common ideal that I should "love my rounder, more motherly body, because my children created my curves."  Bullshit.  I DON'T love my fat.  I hate it, I want it gone, and I hope that the suffocating misery and depression I feel when I see myself in a mirror qualifies as "hitting rock bottom" in the weight-loss department.  We all know that we must hit rock bottom before we find that strength and resolve within ourselves to finally stick to our plans and succeed in getting rid of the weight.  I need it now.  I can't stand the sight of myself like this, or how miserable I feel being this heavy, for one more day.

I will continue to try to remind myself that "it" - weight-gain - can happen to ANYBODY:

Val Kilmer, when he was HOT.

Val, who is now NOT.

Kathleen Turner.  Gorgeous.


I always thought Mickey Rourke was beautiful.



  1. I know what you mean about the suffocating. I see myself about 25 pounds lighter than I am and I can't reconcile the chub with who I am, but also when I get under that ideal weight for me, I feel weird too. I kind of like dieting because I like putting things in order (am I also a Virgo? I thought I was a Libra, but you were totally describing me.) It's all or nothing with me. Writing down every last bite of food, or just saying "screw it" and eating 50,000 calories. I gotta find a happy medium if I ever want to take this weight off and keep it off.

  2. Wow. I think you need to not be so harsh on yourself. Being healthy for health sake is different than being inspired from self-loathing. I know you think you can't be happy until you look a certain way but...BUT, you need to realize your thinking is mildly twisted and disturbing. Let up on yourself a little, dang girl, YOU ARE NOT FAT. And and and you do look like crap at 122. CRAP! I think when you get to 130 you will be more than satisfied. You can't call this a diet though and expect to succeed. Take your ass to of all people will LOVE/HATE it. You have got to go. It will change your life. LOVE YOU!