Today was another disappointing weigh-in. Still 165.5, same as last Monday morning. I'd be whiny and morose about it, except I know I deserve the slap in the face. I've been going about this "diet" thing all wrong, I'm slowly realizing.
I steadfastly believe that THIS diet, or more to the point, this "most recent attempt to lose 40 pounds," is 180 degrees different than the last attempt, which was 12 years ago. Last time, I dropped 40 pounds in less than 3 months with ZERO exercise. I've been moaning a lot since September 20th (when I "officially" started the new attempt, and this blog...) about how much harder it seems this time around. I've also voiced my suspicions, several times, about my fear that my metabolism at age 42 is flat-out working against me this time around. It's not just S-L-O-W. I believe now that it's NON-EXISTENT.
I've spent enough time bitching about this fact. I've tried the tricks, such as eating a hearty/healthy breakfast in the morning to "jump start" my sluggish, elderly metabolism. I wish this little ploy would work for me; I truly do. I would love nothing more than to eat a great, big, glorious bowl of steel cut oatmeal every morning!!! I crave the stuff. Problem is, my metabolism is deceased. It's NOT FUNCTIONING. No amount of jump-starting or trickery is moving this sucker. I believe the time has come to just accept this fact. All it really means in the realm of my diet is, I have to work a LOT harder now, because I cannot rely on my @#$*&ed-up metabolism to help me out here. Acceptance of this can then make way for success by other means.
I feel like I've been "waiting" around for some big, dramatic weight-loss to start happening, because my memories from how easy it was the last time are still very strong. It was a breeze. I don't remember feeling like I was struggling or depriving, starving or failing. I remember being excited at how fast the weight was coming off. I remember being jazzed because it was happening before I even had a chance to throw exercise into the mix. I remember thinking, "Yes! Why can't ANYONE do this?!"
That was then, this is now. And now it's "GO TIME."
I have hit rock bottom several times in the past 4 1/2 months. I've seen little successes, but far more failures as the days have passed. I've been down, depressed, and ready to quit trying dozens of times. I've searched my brain, trying to find SOMETHING to motivate me to the point that it will finally make a difference, and be the catalyst to the pounds coming off. I have gone to bed feeling like I'm starving to death night after night, but I've also gone to bed after binging on pizza, popcorn, ice cream, movie candy, pop, chips and salsa even more often. My willpower has been spotty at best, but I'm still sitting here most days, shaking my head, thinking, "What am I REALLY doing wrong?!"
I believe that I can do this. I don't think I need any more motivation. I have plenty. I don't think I need to do any more research about dieting, to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I've read all the books, and I KNOW what I'm doing wrong! I KNOW what I SHOULD be doing. The only question that remains is, when will I start doing it?
I started today. I'm counting every calorie, again, because that always works for me. My goal each day is 1200 calories or less.
I'm concentrating on eating 5 or 6 little "meals" daily, for a total of 1100-1200 calories, with those meals consisting mostly of lean protein, non-starchy veggies, low-sugar fruits, low-fat or fat-free dairy, and 100% whole grains. I'm limiting myself to no more than one 5 oz. glass of sangria in the evening, and even though I HATE artificial sweetener (because I hate CANCER; DUH...), if I crave a pop, it's going to be diet until I reach my goal weight of 125.
I'm drinking lots of brewed tea, of all varieties. Lots of green tea, lots of fruit teas, lots of cold-brewed ice tea. This helps a lot both with my craving for pop, and also in helping me get enough water every day. Unfortunately, I have never liked drinking plain water. Bad for dieting, I know.
I am determined to find the time (somehow) to get my lazy ass on the treadmill and the elliptical machine at least 3-4 times every week. I have to. I know I won't lose the weight otherwise.
I know that a little treadmill cardio won't be enough, though. I'm also going to do my TaeBo workout once a week, do some crunches every day (as many as I can...), and probably some light free weights or upper-body machine work. My hubby has a garage full of weight-lifting equipment, and many of his machines are adjustable to me. I'll do whatever I can find time to do, little bits here and there, because I just do not have the time or desire to join a gym right now. This is fact. The challenge then is to just get my ass MOVING. I've read articles that say you can burn hundreds of calories during your workday just by making yourself "fidget" more. I find this hilarious, but I'll bet it's accurate. You're supposed to bounce, flex, and extend your legs up and down whenever you're sitting, tense and release your shoulders when you're walking around, clench your abs off and on all day. It makes sense, and how easy should it be to get into this habit? I'm going to try it.
That's it. That's the plan. It's nothing earth-shattering. Nothing "faddy," or weird. Common sense, sound knowledge about foods and diets, stuff I've absorbed after reading too much and then trying to pick out the parts that fit my life and work for me. I'm focused and thinking positive thoughts today. I'm tired of always being sad and depressed about my weight. I want it gone by summer - and I know I can do it.