I was so depressed about my weight back in January. I couldn't imagine what it was going to take to finally turn things around, and for the pounds to start coming off. I felt sabotaged so much of the time. I started this blog on September 20th of last year, in anticipation of the looming Thanksgiving holiday. I was hoping that the blog would prevent my yearly "holiday weight-gain." It didn't. I weighed 159.0 on the first day of this blog, and by February 7th of this year I had gained an additional 6.5 pounds. It seemed like I was never going to get a grip on my weight. That prospect had me feeling so sad and depressed, every day, that I was struggling to even remember any of my reasons for wanting to lose this weight in the first place.
|DESPERATION DAY: February 7, 2011|
But the one thing I remember most clearly about February 7th was that I woke up feeling utterly miserable, and I slogged to the mirror, looked at myself, and I looked hideous. My face looked all puffy and lumpy; my skin looked gray and unhealthy. My hair was streaked with gray and I was wearing the only thing I COULD wear for pajamas; baggy sweats and an over-sized t-shirt. And I just remember this one thought that popped into my head, which was, "Do you want to look and feel this shitty forever?!" That thought was followed quickly by, "If you were Chris (my hubby), would YOU want to wake up next to you every morning?!
The answer to both questions was, of course, a resounding, "HELL NO!!!"
Now it's about nine weeks later, and I've finally made some real progress. The first four days of this past week were great. I weighed 147.5 pounds on Thursday - which meant that I had lost 18.0 pounds total by that point. This has me feeling very optimistic, over-all. I am ABSOLUTELY psyched up about it. I am still following everything I've been writing about on here for the past few weeks. My daily calorie goal is 1100, and I hit that mark exactly last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I am doing 4 to 5 hours of cardio each week, split between the elliptical machine, the treadmill, and a bit of Tae Bo and "Wii Zumba." The "Yoga for Weight-Loss" DVD hasn't clicked with me. I tried it once - I actually got nauseous doing it! Is that normal? I think I may have tried to do it too soon after eating dinner. I'll try it again at some point; I'm just not sure when.
|Typical American Dieter|
The weekends are still the toughest for me, beginning on Fridays when I get home from work. My diet "Danger Zone" is from Friday around 6:00 p.m. until I go to bed on Sunday. Right now, I am still struggling to get my cravings under control during that time period. I am doing GREAT all week. I am exercising, and sticking to 1100 calories per day most week days. But once the work week ends...
All holy hell breaks loose.
|Just what I need; a SECOND mouth to shove food into|
So this past weekend sucked calorie-wise. I did great until Friday evening. Then I blew it. Friday was perfect until 5:30 p.m., and then it was movie candy (chowed while ON the treadmill, no less...!), microwave popcorn, ice cream with chocolate syrup and chocolate chips... Grrrrrrr. Saturday was a bagel with egg and cheese at Big Apple Bagels, tomato-basil soup with saltines, and 2 mini cheesecake muffins, then later on I gobbled vermicelli with Parmesan after feeding some to baby, and I wrapped up my Saturday splurging on a date with the hubby that included a margarita, 3 slices of crostini with mozerella, movie theater popcorn, a box of Jr, Mints, and a handful of mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Sunday was great until 5:30, again... and then a GINORMOUS diet fail consisting of 2 Pillsbury Crescent rolls with butter, a can of real Dr, Pepper, a bowl of Golden Grahams mixed with Honey Bunches of Oats and covered in WHOLE milk, a bunch of pretzels dunked in whipped cream cheese, a bunch of Nestle chocolate chunks, and a mini Snickers bar - ALL consumed within a 40-minute time period. NOT kidding.
|I might as well have eaten this for my Sunday splurge; it probably contains less calories over-all|
I HATE it when I do this. But sometimes I'm an idiot, and I do this.
All I can do is get back on the horse and resume. And resume I have, three pounds heavier this morning than I was on Friday morning, but even more determined to lose it again - plus three more pounds - this week.
|I will not eat the pretty donut. I will not eat the pretty donut. I WILL NOT eat the pretty donut.|
|Even the best of intentions backfire occasionally...|
|How the hell did this get here?|