Monday, April 18, 2011

Still On-Track!!! 4/11/11

I am starting to believe that this may actually be possible.

I was so depressed about my weight back in January.  I couldn't imagine what it was going to take to finally turn things around, and for the pounds to start coming off.  I felt sabotaged so much of the time.  I started this blog on September 20th of last year, in anticipation of the looming Thanksgiving holiday.  I was hoping that the blog would prevent my yearly "holiday weight-gain."  It didn't.  I weighed 159.0 on the first day of this blog, and by February 7th of this year I had gained an additional 6.5 pounds.  It seemed like I was never going to get a grip on my weight.  That prospect had me feeling so sad and depressed, every day, that I was struggling to even remember any of my reasons for wanting to lose this weight in the first place.

DESPERATION DAY:  February 7, 2011
I keep trying to pin-point what caused the wake-up-call for me; what was my exact "rock-bottom" point or epiphany.  Ultimately I think it was a whole pile of things mashed together, like potatoes.  (GOD, I miss potatoes...)

But the one thing I remember most clearly about February 7th was that I woke up feeling utterly miserable, and I slogged to the mirror, looked at myself, and I looked hideous.  My face looked all puffy and lumpy; my skin looked gray and unhealthy.  My hair was streaked with gray and I was wearing the only thing I COULD wear for pajamas; baggy sweats and an over-sized t-shirt.  And I just remember this one thought that popped into my head, which was, "Do you want to look and feel this shitty forever?!"  That thought was followed quickly by, "If you were Chris (my hubby), would YOU want to wake up next to you every morning?!

The answer to both questions was, of course, a resounding, "HELL NO!!!"

No shit.
I remember making a little promise to myself that day, which was to give my weight-loss effort the serious planning and consideration and attention that I knew it was lacking, starting at that moment.  And for whatever reason, on that day it stuck.  I couldn't stand to look at myself in that mirror.  I didn't just look like a triple-sized version of my former self.  I looked unhealthy, and even sickly, straight down to my soul.

Now it's about nine weeks later, and I've finally made some real progress.  The first four days of this past week were great.  I weighed 147.5 pounds on Thursday - which meant that I had lost 18.0 pounds total by that point.  This has me feeling very optimistic, over-all.  I am ABSOLUTELY psyched up about it.  I am still following everything I've been writing about on here for the past few weeks.  My daily calorie goal is 1100, and I hit that mark exactly last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.  I am doing 4 to 5 hours of cardio each week, split between the elliptical machine, the treadmill, and a bit of Tae Bo and "Wii Zumba."  The "Yoga for Weight-Loss" DVD hasn't clicked with me.  I tried it once - I actually got nauseous doing it!  Is that normal?  I think I may have tried to do it too soon after eating dinner.  I'll try it again at some point; I'm just not sure when.

Pretty much.
Every time I do an hour of cardio I'm burning about 400 calories, which lands me at about 700 un-burned calories for those days.  There is no possible way for me to not lose weight consuming so little, and that is no doubt why I am losing pounds.  The bonus I am experiencing is an increase in energy.  I know that my food choices are influencing this greatly.  When you're only eating 1100 calories daily, every single calorie counts - this was evident from the first week.  When I eat 1100 healthy, high-quality calories, I feel great all day - AND, I rarely experience cravings between meals.  This shocks me!  My daily calories now consist of lots of tea, lean protein, rye crackers and Ezekiel bread, Greek yogurt, apples and berries, raw veggies with fat-free veggie dip, plain chicken broth, calorie-countable-frozen dinners like organic Indian meals with peas, garbanzo beans and rice or organic cheese enchiladas, lots of sugarless gum, and a few diet pops here and there.

Typical American Dieter

The weekends are still the toughest for me, beginning on Fridays when I get home from work.  My diet "Danger Zone" is from Friday around 6:00 p.m. until I go to bed on Sunday.  Right now, I am still struggling to get my cravings under control during that time period.  I am doing GREAT all week.  I am exercising, and sticking to 1100 calories per day most week days.  But once the work week ends...

All holy hell breaks loose.

Just what I need; a SECOND mouth to shove food into
Today is Monday 4/18, which means I am posting a week late.  This post is really for last Monday.  I will post again this week at some point, just to keep my posts up to date with one per week.  I hate falling behind like this.  I started this post last Thursday, and am just now finishing it.  Can you say, "How can anyone have so little free time and be sane?!"  Yeah, you said it.

So this past weekend sucked calorie-wise.  I did great until Friday evening.  Then I blew it.  Friday was perfect until 5:30 p.m., and then it was movie candy (chowed while ON the treadmill, no less...!), microwave popcorn, ice cream with chocolate syrup and chocolate chips...  Grrrrrrr.  Saturday was a bagel with egg and cheese at Big Apple Bagels, tomato-basil soup with saltines, and 2 mini cheesecake muffins, then later on I gobbled vermicelli with Parmesan after feeding some to baby, and I wrapped up my Saturday splurging on a date with the hubby that included a margarita, 3 slices of crostini with mozerella, movie theater popcorn, a box of Jr, Mints, and a handful of mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.  Sunday was great until 5:30, again... and then a GINORMOUS diet fail consisting of 2 Pillsbury Crescent rolls with butter, a can of real Dr, Pepper, a bowl of Golden Grahams mixed with Honey Bunches of Oats and covered in WHOLE milk, a bunch of pretzels dunked in whipped cream cheese, a bunch of Nestle chocolate chunks, and a mini Snickers bar - ALL consumed within a 40-minute time period.  NOT kidding.

I might as well have eaten this for my Sunday splurge; it probably contains less calories over-all

I HATE it when I do this.  But sometimes I'm an idiot, and I do this.  

All I can do is get back on the horse and resume.  And resume I have, three pounds heavier this morning than I was on Friday morning, but even more determined to lose it again - plus three more pounds - this week.

I will not eat the pretty donut.  I will not eat the pretty donut.  I WILL NOT eat the pretty donut.
My obvious goal this coming weekend will be to NOT eat enough carbs and sugar and calories in any given 40-minute period that would be enough to sustain myself for four days.

Even the best of intentions backfire occasionally...
How the hell did this get here?

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