Friday, September 24, 2010

Wednesday, 9/22/10:

WEIGHT before eating today:  157.0

Daily Calorie Goal:  1200 or less
Total calories eaten today:  OVER 2000.  (Horrific late-night junk-food-BINGE.  It wasn't pretty.)

"Aren't I pretty?"  NO.  You are THE DEVIL.
Wednesday was one of those days where I did great all day long, was completely motivated, counted every single calorie, and then I came home, ready to finish out my 1200 calories for the day - and I just LOST IT.

Does this ever happen to anyone besides me???

It's the weirdest thing.  Honestly, I don't know how it happens or why it happens.  And it doesn't happen very often, but when it does... it's EPIC.

It started with a tiny nibble of Crescent Roll dough.  I was baking a pan of these for the family, not intending to eat one myself.  (100 calories for a tiny little carb-blob?!  WHAT?!)  So I nibbled.  And that was it; it was all I could do to not shove all eight un-baked blobs of dough in my mouth at once.  My theory is that when you're suddenly eliminating virtually all white-flour carbs from your diet, any food made from white flour becomes alot like heroin.  I CANNOT TOUCH THE STUFF.  Because when I do... all holy hell breaks loose.  

I proceeded to "nibble" (let's face it, it was full-sized bites of dough within a minute or two...) the carb-globs until the remaining eight rolls on the cookie sheet were miniature-sized.  Hmmm.  So then, when they came out of the oven, my carb-addled brain thinks, "They're SO TEENY now!  No WAY they're 100 calories each anymore!"  

So I ate not ONE baked roll, but TWO.

Then came a cup of 2% milk to wash them down, followed by TWO heaping tablespoons of German chocolate cake frosting, scooped right out of the jar.  


Have any of you seen the movie "Death Becomes Her," with Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn?  In the beginning, Goldie Hawn weighs several hundred pounds, and she opens her kitchen cupboards to reveal row after row of cans of cake frosting.  She grabs a can and a spoon and starts shoveling.  

Yeah.  This was me, at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday evening.

It went even further downhill from there, of course.  Three episodes of True Blood and an entire box of Good and Plenty later, as well as most of a bag of salted microwave popcorn and a can of Coca Cola, I was feeling sick to the point of wanting to puke.  Not only did my stomach feel like it would explode, but of course I felt like the total calorie-counting failure that I was.  On top of it all, no exercise on Wednesday, either.

So, I try to keep perspective.  It was only Day 3 of my New Diet, and already I'm failing in a ginormous way.  The only difference between this EPIC FAIL and previous failures is that this time, I know I CAN'T fail.  I want it too bad.  This time.  I've been putting my old clothes away, which have been in piles and bags all over the place since we moved on July 10th.  I want to wear them again.  So this time, I'm not going to let one night of binge-snarfing undo the good I did the first two days.  I know that this is most often the reason diets fail.  Our intentions are good on Day 1 of any diet, aren't they?  They are.  But often, sadly, it's only a matter of time before the secret-snacking starts, and the sluffing off on exercise, and before you know it - you're back to the beginning, all over again.  Needing to start over, again.   

This time, I'm going to just skip that part.  Instead of allowing one bad day to erase all the good I've done already, I'm not going to let it derail me.  It's ONE day.  It's one screw-up.  In fact, it wasn't even a whole day wasted - it was a couple hours of weakness.  It's so easy to quit, and so HARD to stick with it.  But I know, this time, I simply HAVE TO.  

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