Thursday, October 21, 2010

Monday, 10/18/10:

WEIGHT before eating today:  156.0

Daily Calorie Goal:  1200 or less 
Total calories eaten today:  Over 2000  (Erberts and Gerberts = 1000 calorie lunch!  BBBBBBBLLLLLLLAAAAAAAHHHHHHH).

I hate when I start my week this way.  

Got on the scale, I was OK with the result after not counting calories all week-end, I go all morning with just a couple cups of coffee, and WHAM - I snarf down 1000 calories at noon from Erbert's and Gerberts.  

Why do I do that?!?!?!?!?!

It's more than simple weakness.  It's not a lack of desire to succeed with weight-loss.  And it's not even hunger alone.  I think, after years of sabotaging myself in this way occasionally, that it's most likely nothing more than a lack of willpower.  I'm not weak; I'm STUPID.  My biggest problem and weight-loss hurdle is my utter lack of willpower when a spread of good food, or the possibility of eating good food, presents itself.  

I need only to THINK the word "Guadalajara" and a plan is set in motion for our next meal there.  Similarly, when lunch time approached today and my stomach was empty, I was powerless to resist when the thought of an Erberts and Gerberts Titan sub entered my brain.  It was MY idea to order lunch, and naturally I ordered Cheetos with my Titan sub, when I could have just eaten the sub.  My lame reason for the Cheetos?  "I'll share them with baby."  My husband is so good to me - I'm sure in his mind he was thinking, "Could she be any weaker???" but he just smiled and said, "OK" and ordered the Cheetos.  He's a saint.  

So I inhaled my Titan sub, which is a mass of turkey, several globs of pesto-flavored mayo, tomatoes, cucumbers, sun-dried tomatoes (my favorite part!), and cheese. all nestled on a white-bread sub roll, of course.  I used to get whole wheat rolls for subs.  But after researching bread to the extent that I did, I learned that whole wheat sub rolls at a sandwich place aren't any healthier than the white ones.  So, now I revert to my Wonder Bread-loving younger days and enjoy my carb and calorie-infused gut-bomb properly on my white sub roll.  I also swap the cucs for onions and have them double my sun-dried tomatoes (I'm kind of addicted!).

The Titan is advertised as containing roughly 700 calories.  Give or take a couple hundred, no doubt.
I love how Cheetos's label boasts "O grams trans fat."  They conveniently forget to mention the 320 calories and gazillion grams of carbs!!!
So, lunch was bad.  I mean, it tasted incredible.  I loved every squishy, slathered, carboliscious bite.  But because of all the "bad" carbs, I was, thanks to the ever-present insulin response we humans are CURSED WITH, starving again within two hours.  THIS SUCKS to a degree even I cannot elaborate on.

And I knew it would happen, after years upon years of experience.  I ate it, and I knew I'd suffer and pay for it.  I did it anyway.  

Not the best way to start the week, to say the least.

It would take me about an hour to eat a bathtub full of Cheetos.  Even without baby's help.
You can do it, weird girl in a bathtub full of Cheetos.
I don't normally have quite this much fun when I sabotage my diet with Cheetos.  At least I feel remorseful...
Yes.  A deadly Cheeto weapon, boring artificial-cheesy wormed-shaped holes in my weight-loss success.

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