Weight-loss Can Be FUN! (and other blatant lies): Monday, 10/18/10:

WEIGHT before eating today: 156.0

Daily Calorie Goal: 1200 or less
Total calories eaten today: Over 2000 (Erberts and Gerberts = 1000 calorie lunch! BBBBBBBLLLLLLLAAAAAAAHHHHHHH).

I hate when I start my week this way.

Got on the scale, I was OK with the result after not counting calories all week-end, I go all morning with just a couple cups of coffee, and WHAM - I snarf down 1000 calories at noon from Erbert's and Gerberts.

Why do I do that?!?!?!?!?!

It's more than simple weakness. It's not a lack of desire to succeed with weight-loss. And it's not even hunger alone. I think, after years of sabotaging myself in this way occasionally, that it's most likely nothing more than a lack of willpower. I'm not weak; I'm STUPID. My biggest problem and weight-loss hurdle is my utter lack of willpower when a spread of good food, or the possibility of eating good food, presents itself.

I need only to THINK the word "Guadalajara" and a plan is set in motion for our next meal there. Similarly, when lunch time approached today and my stomach was empty, I was powerless to resist when the thought of an Erberts and Gerberts Titan sub entered my brain. It was MY idea to order lunch, and naturally I ordered Cheetos with my Titan sub, when I could have just eaten the sub. My lame reason for the Cheetos? "I'll share them with baby." My husband is so good to me - I'm sure in his mind he was thinking, "Could she be any weaker???" but he just smiled and said, "OK" and ordered the Cheetos. He's a saint.

So I inhaled my Titan sub, which is a mass of turkey, several globs of pesto-flavored mayo, tomatoes, cucumbers, sun-dried tomatoes (my favorite part!), and cheese. all nestled on a white-bread sub roll, of course. I used to get whole wheat rolls for subs. But after researching bread to the extent that I did, I learned that whole wheat sub rolls at a sandwich place aren't any healthier than the white ones. So, now I revert to my Wonder Bread-loving younger days and enjoy my carb and calorie-infused gut-bomb properly on my white sub roll. I also swap the cucs for onions and have them double my sun-dried tomatoes (I'm kind of addicted!).

The Titan is advertised as containing roughly 700 calories. Give or take a couple hundred, no doubt.

I love how Cheetos's label boasts "O grams trans fat." They conveniently forget to mention the 320 calories and gazillion grams of carbs!!!

So, lunch was bad. I mean, it tasted incredible. I loved every squishy, slathered, carboliscious bite. But because of all the "bad" carbs, I was, thanks to the ever-present insulin response we humans are CURSED WITH, starving again within two hours. THIS SUCKS to a degree even I cannot elaborate on.

And I knew it would happen, after years upon years of experience. I ate it, and I knew I'd suffer and pay for it. I did it anyway.

Not the best way to start the week, to say the least.